Today is a new day, part of a new beginning. Friday was my last day at my job and though I will miss the people I worked with, I am very excited and nervous about what is to come, mostly because it involves a lot more writing, making, and wearing clothes I like than the last few months have.
But change is scary. I am artistic but practical, and part of me is terrified that I will not grab this chance my the horns and wrestle every last drop of potential out of it. I'm afraid of fear taking over. Pretty ironic, isn't it?
The night before I spoke to my boss about my plans to leave I couldn't sleep, so I got up and made myself a schedule for my days without office hours to plan around. Then after the schedule I wrote myself something else, a mental plan, if you will. Here it is, for your enjoyment, edification, and reflection. I know that every stage of my life could use an extra dose of this kind of outlook.
" Cultivate silence, trust, prayer, and peace. Humble yourself before the Lord’s plans and be realistic and fair with yourself. In all moments of disquiet, bring yourself back to center with God. Lay your moments as well as your hours before him in reverence and in humility and trust His Voice, wherever it reaches you. Bless the Lord with your actions, your art, and your attempts. Strive only to serve Him, and live in accord with your vocation.
And when the bad days happen, as they surely will, have the grace to cry deeply and freely, offer it up, and move on. Our trials water the gardens of our souls in such a way that gives them flavor unmatched by easier times.
Focus on embracing your gifts, flexing your abilities, sacrificing your security for the sake of growth, and judging yourself more gently. Begin to trust others to do the same. Look for the lovable in all things. Become the lantern all artists are called to be, even when the divine spark is so close to consuming itself. Will and pray for the light to radiate, for we are often darkest to ourselves when our light touches others most deeply. Seek the approval only of God and listen also to your husband, whom God has given to you to help sanctify and in turn helps to sanctify and lead you. Allow yourself to see your soul though their eyes.
Respect your limitations as well as your strengths. Push yourself, but remember that life is given just as much to be enjoyed as it is to be struggled through. Give yourself permission to stop working and be. Focus. Learn to be where you are and nowhere else. Love."
That's the plan.