Self Preservation

As I once more sit scrolling through endless pages of Etsy feedback for a random Thai store I have never ordered from, I find myself wondering what I am doing with my life. This is perhaps not unique for a student in my situation—exiled from the freedom of college life, cooped up with the family, somewhat half-heartedly looking for work when I know that this kind of economic climate doesn’t exactly make potential employers jump at hiring a three month throwaway employee, no matter how brilliant my resume may be. I am wondering what use there is in my long and impressive CV when I still cannot tell a potential employer what they want to hear. Have you ever worked in food service? Well there was this one time when I was 14… She eyes me suspiciously. Okay, yeah, not really—But I interned in the Senate? Does that count?

Perhaps Iowa is not where I should be. Note the extreme sarcasm of that statement.

I am at that awkward stage of college where I’m not done yet (one pathetic semester away) but I also feel like my foot is out the door. I’m trying to figure out what I need to review for my English comprehensives while also looking for real world jobs/living arrangements/reasons to leave the Midwest and never look back. There’s the ever looming promise of graduate school and the headache I get moments after I industriously begin to try and figure out what I want to study where and when and why and for how much.

Real life after college may be complicated, but its probably less complicated than trying to live life in college and life after at the same time.

So what conclusion have I come to about my life? That I feel better after ranting about it. Now the first season of Gilmore Girls and some pizza can work their etherizing magic. It’s really not apathy—it’s self preservation.

peace&love,

Jill